Saturday, August 30, 2003
bitch
i hate you.
bitch!
i love you.
but why do i feel?
when i feel nothing at all?
why do i hurt?
when i feel nothing at all?
and if this is feeling
then i'd rather be dead.
i'd rather creep away
and be silent.
cos silence wont eat you up.
silence won't hurt you.
silence will remain with you.
forever.
and you'd still be alive.
--insignificant lies--
11:41 pm
reactions are irreversible
words are daggers
slashing ur wrists
and eyes stare
as blood seeps slowly down
and the pool gets deeper
as you drown in silence
sleeping but yet awake
living but yet dead
do you know of my heart
or what is left of it?
crumbling ashes
burnt from yesterdays memories
and hands that lock
unlocked
the clasp fell through
and the pearls are scattered across the marble floor
and you hear weeping
beneath the silky sheets
choking
the silk turned to dust
at the periphery
shuddering away
i ask you
what do you care of my heart
or what is left of it?
the answer
is everything.
--insignificant lies--
3:06 am
here i am
wanting to be good for you
a song for the sacred
a song for god
i know
i hear it everyday
call me up and tell me
get a life
and so i will
try to make me better
just to have you
just so they won't look at me funny
and maybe that is the worst reason-
to be good for others
but goodness never loses its value
i want to just wipe the slate clean
but stains don't come out just by wiping them clean
and hearts don't mend by using glue
and i hope you don't look at me funny
and spit at my face
when you pick at the stains
and find out that i am not
who you think i am
because then i will falter
and being good won't mean a thing.
--insignificant lies--
2:54 am
Friday, August 29, 2003
dana walker
by hopesfall
"please baby not another stare
i've been in that trance before
those burning eyes half-glazed with tints of fury and resentment
fighting not to look back
and still tasting the dust from the last time we did
we sift through the crowds without a care
only to leave the burnt pattern of a waking nightmare
loneliness finds us beneath dim lit lights
where pen and paper spell out confusion
failing to escape those nights of solitude
the echoes of today's misfortunes linger
it's then that you realize
you're the one who wants to cry something
because you feel nothing"
--insignificant lies--
1:24 am
Thursday, August 28, 2003
so yeah.. today had crescent club game.
guess me n feli is ok now. i'm glad. but i wld like to know wat the problem is.
and today she let me blanja her. hmmm...so i dunno la...
watever la eh...
im too tired to talk abt it long long...i will tell su only...
however, i will talk abt today's game.
damn nice. i think this visualization thing is quite good. i did a pull back...pull back...pull to the right...and then hit...haha... got pass mathiar...which is like damn cool la... did a few good pulls here and there so tt i can hit... im proud of that. yeah!! must write all this in my hockey journal. i did 73 juggles so far. now i need to work on my stamina. cos i know my stamina sucks n so does my agility which is why i cldnt pull myself up a few times when i stopped the ball. haha... malu sia... but good game u guys. i really had a good time. hehe... nice workout. and i got a few scrapes here and there. my hand is no kinda blue n red. kena mai's ball. then my finger kena scraped. my hand got new blister now. need to retape rejabs stick. but i like his stick for hitting. damn solid. i love hockey sia. i wish i cld marry hockey. haha... :) i also liked one more thing i did... i intercepted the ball n ran forward...pull left then i hit. must practice on my pulling though. i must pull faster i find. i pull so slowly. any idiot also can see wat i doing. haiz... :P
now...on to the politics... u can really see the clicks today. i was with feli. rely with lynn and siew leng was with li yuen. haha... weird aah... oh well... lynn n rely really damn in love with each other la... haha.. best la... oh well... i thk me n feli still closer la.. duh! mcm competition gitu. oh well... then nordin cam tak include feli in the plans n stuff. oh well... mcm he never ask her to go his house. then after that he invited her cam like no choice like ther just cos she was there. oh well... guess maybe its just a commitee meeting only la... oh well... watever... but i cant be bothered with politics... affina lagi satu hal... malas lah nak think...
--insignificant lies--
11:38 pm
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
in the morning i tot girls were bitches.
i still think that they are. i can't change that. but girls also pull at your heartstrings and make u feel like u wanna love them forever.
no...she didn't do anything tt nice. but my heart went out for her when she told me she was in an emotional low.
but don't u see?? dont u see?? esp all the people who knew me during the times when there was lin... the vicious cycle has started again.
they tell me that they are in a slum. need to be in their "shell". then after tt i talk to them once...they shout at my face and make a big fuss abt it then i get pissed n we end up fighting n destroy the best thing tt dropped into our lives. i find that the problem feli is facing is me. but maybe im just being paranoid cos i have no confidence in such r/s matters. i have come to the conclusion tt it is always me. u know?
reasons why i think it's me
1) she wld have complained to me the prob
2) she has been ignoring me since yest
3) she didnt want to see me
4) she told me that people are unsincere
5) she didnt take my offer to blanja her(weird! if hafiz blanja can...bacin)
6) she sounded irritated when she msg me
7) she switched off her hp today
8) she didn't pick up my call yest
9) cos maybe i promised her something i can't keep..(this cld be untrue if she tot that i was talking about someone else)
10) she said i'll talk to u tmr...n tmr has come but she has not talked.
oh yah...then tmr got freindly at nyp... haiz... lynn n rely r gonna be in love mode then me n feli are already in the slumps. do u see the vicious cycle?? tmr i have to meet her still after she told me she needs to be alone. then she'll pretend everything is ok. then she will msg me tt she still needs time alone. then maybe i will have some kind of life threatening problem. then i will tell her. then she will fight with me n label me bitch of the yr. then the next day for some unearthly reason i will have to see her. then i will come late. n well... we dun talk for four months. best!!!
--insignificant lies--
11:55 pm
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
What Sign of Affection Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
--insignificant lies--
3:25 am
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
haha.....eat ur heart out... esp to all those ppl who didnt want me. haha..im perfect.. haha..must tell hasan this man..hehe... or feli... god im so bi!
--insignificant lies--
3:20 am
Idol
The ULTIMATE personality test brought to you by Quizilla
yay!!!!!! i'm an idol???
--insignificant lies--
3:09 am
You are Love.
You love life, you love all those around you and
the world that you live in. You are happiest
when you are doing something for someone else
or for the common good of mankind.
What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
see?? see ayam?? told u i was a lover...
--insignificant lies--
2:56 am
You are a goddess!
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You? brought to you by Quizilla
i knew i was a goddess!!!
haha...i swear i'm on a quizilla high!!!
--insignificant lies--
2:50 am
Power Rangers Movie!
What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!) brought to you by Quizilla
OH MY GOD!!!!! HOW SUAY!!!!!
--insignificant lies--
2:38 am
i love yellowcard now. must really get my discman back man. miss it so much. hmm...sad sad... :)
--insignificant lies--
2:29 am
You are Ephram Brown from Everwood. You are a
troubled teenager going through far more than a
normal person. You have a bright future ahead
of you, but you don't know how to use it. And a
tip: Smile.
What TV character are you? brought to you by Quizilla
hOw true...hee...
--insignificant lies--
2:23 am
Monday, August 25, 2003
haha.. farid broke up with tt girl. thank god.
okok..im mean.
oh well..
he says he loves her. i doubt it. haha...i just think he's desperate. thats all.
oh well...malay guys always end up being desperate. they do.
--insignificant lies--
10:15 pm
now im multitaskg..talking to feli... while talking to hasan... best la....
--insignificant lies--
12:05 am
Sunday, August 24, 2003
hey..
i'm talking to hasan online now. was kinda shocked that he was even online. cos its been so long since he has been online. just now b4 i had to go offline awhile.. had n interesting conversation with him. he said to me that he knows i will support him all the way just like he will support me all the way. haha. im touched. then now he is busy doing his hw. haha.. gp. science over religion is the topic. haha... i think im impressing him more n more. hehe.. im too good la.. at least something is going well in my life. hehe..
--insignificant lies--
11:51 pm
my insides are dead
the pain has left
and i miss its chains
they used to hold me down
made sure i did what i was supposed to do
but now i'm fighting back
i pull them all off
and fling it across the sky
they don't mean anything to me
just another person supposedly having nurtured me
and i still feel no pain
why do i want the pain then?
maybe now...
only to feel like at least im alive again.
--insignificant lies--
10:04 pm
u tell me
"gimme a white rose on my birthday"
i'll give you many more
every single day
i'm scared our hands will be unlocked
i'm scared that you will slit my throat
and my heart will stop
as the blood falls drop by drop
the snowflakes
melt off
from the tips of my fingers
i feel warm
as if i have found myself
maybe all i needed was escape from you
but when u drop the knife
with my blood stains
and you run away
scared and hurting
i feel cold; the frostbite comes again
and i grit my teeth
my eyes dilated
seeing your shadows becoming smaller n smaller
till nothing ceases to exist
and then i know i'm dead.
--insignificant lies--
10:52 am
Cigarette
by Yellowcard
Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go.
Built me up and broke me down somehow.
Everything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to know
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure, right now
How can you say, that it's too late
To save us now
And I would wait for you, if you would wait for me
And I will wait for you, if you would wait for me
Intoxicated the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the core
I blushed the first time, but you blushed the last time my eyes in your mind
regenerated these feelings of hatred, I long for your love evermore
You built me up and you broke me down this time.
--insignificant lies--
3:02 am
eh i was just thinkg rite...how come i picked up so late that hasan liked me?? i think my radar is a bit off. thinking too much about lesbianic shit...n abt feli..wat the shit la..
--insignificant lies--
2:47 am
so yah...
just now talked to feli.
guess its ok.
i dunno.
think i shld stop pursuing her.
stop it la u damn bitch. come on la farah.
wake up n smell the robust coffee. u know its gotten stale already. u got no hope. even if u kissed like a porn star.
bleeder!
--insignificant lies--
2:37 am
when i look into your eyes
i see the world without any lies
i take your hand in mine
and we walk pass that line
as i caress your cheek
i know that you are at a peak
a height of romance
i can see it clearly in your glance
so darling don't lie
that you are not in love with me
cos i know i'm right
and you are feeling love for me
--insignificant lies--
2:29 am
Saturday, August 23, 2003
there is so many things i wanna do
all those things that i can't say to you
i wish you were as deaf as me
blind to the world; nothing to see.
and i hope you and i will fight
take away all the pain and the fright
and when i look at your face
i can see us winning the race.
we are fighting for i dunno wat
all i know is i need you to play your part
and when we are together
i feel it all now and forever
forever
i feel it now and forever.
i've been looking all this while
i see it in between your smile
and when i stare at that door
i hear u laughing for more
and then i think how can u do this to me?
and then i feel what the fucks wrong with me?
--insignificant lies--
10:40 pm
alah fuck la..
i tell u this is a sign.
baru aku nak make a commitment...
fuck la...
now i find out hasan has feelings for me.
haiyoh.
is this a sign tt i shld be str8 n forget abt all this crap?
i dunno... fuck it la...
fuck fuck....
need to talk to su!!!!!!!
fuck fuck fuck....
--insignificant lies--
8:35 am
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
i really want to be her girl...i want to be with her...
i will commit myself to her. wholeheartedly...fully... :)
im ready.
cos i know who it is i like.
and im ready not to push away the fact that i like her. :)
--insignificant lies--
8:41 pm
i miss her already...haiz.... :)
--insignificant lies--
8:36 pm
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
creative: you are an individual at school and thats
why your friends all think you're amazing. you
offer a shoulder to cry on when people need on,
you give good advice and overall a very good
friend. you enjoy being in the company of
others, particularly those closest to you and
sometimes depend on your friends too much. but
apart from being dependent, you can mostly make
it on your own and excel over others. you are
fun, good natured and a great person to be
around!
what kind of girl are you? brought to you by Quizilla
--insignificant lies--
11:21 pm
haiyoh...everytime i type setting n nak save slalu got error.....
i give up....
anyways...i want to say to su that im glad i told her. n im glad she understands.
wat i did was a thing of my past. and now im gonna move on to the future.
and i want a future with??? feli?? who knows...
i kid myself to much.
feli can never be mine. even if i begged. she keeps on searching for a guy. but is that wat she really wants? or does she want someone to love her. cos i can be that someone. what does she want? can she love me as much as i can love her? i dont have that much faith in love.
i was once a kid blinded by love.
i was once a kid.
and i still feel like i am a kid.
during GP we had a converstaion about gays. i was like saying that if ur str8 ur str8 and if ur not then well ur not. it doesnt matter.
and yah im not.
its been so long since i really liked a guy. think the last one was sam la. but sam was like...wow... he was like... wow i was really in love with him...and now i still love him. i might not be in love with him but i love him. really do. thank you sam for all the memories. :)
and then after that is lin... and woah..she is my soulmate. we connect so easily and i knew her so well. n now she is so... far from me...
and now there is feli. something i can't understand. we are really close friends. i see her every week at least once. i talk to her almost every night. and i have feelings for her. but im too different now to actually be all mushy and tell her how pretty she is and how lucky i am to have gotten to know her. and i cant say such things so openly anymore cos i dun wanna be burn. if she knew me a while back i would have just said openly and expressed wat i wanted to say openly. if im fond of her i would say it. if i think she's hot i would say it. and when i think i have fallen in love with her i would say it.
but now im too experienced and i have been burned too much. so i sit and think b4 i do anything. cos im not stupid to think that anyone can love me. at least as much as i love them.
--insignificant lies--
3:43 am
Sunday, August 17, 2003
hey...
im sitting here waiting for someone to call me...
well waiting for feli anywys...she say she will call me..
not calling pun..
i hate this...
i always set myself up for this kidna shit..???
why why???
why why???
bacin betul la...
crapz la...
sudah la... i talk shit only... fuck me.
--insignificant lies--
10:40 pm
haekal sucks!!!!!!!
he is such n ass!
how did i ever like a guy like tt???
it was pure infatuation! urgh!!!!!!
i am so stoopid.
i know who i like.
why do i kid myself then???
it was all a fucking lie.
just to make myself feel better.
im a fucker shithead!
--insignificant lies--
1:26 am
Friday, August 15, 2003
haha...
i seriously shld stop perssurising feli by talking abt how im here n yet she dun want me. n about how well i can kiss. and stuff like tt... haha
today i met her b4 meeting pali. n we went out n walked ard as usual... walked to god knows where as usual. then after tt we go n buy wallet. n we walked all over the place again. then she ended buying a wallet tt was kinda like my wallet. the 3/4 one and its so nice... hehe... then she go buy the clip thing n put it in her wallet with our face in it. i tell u my face is all over the place. then she say the clip thingy the back she wanna put her bf photo when she have one. then she say she got girl lover in front n guy lover behind. wat nonsense??? wat she crapping.
and as always she looked so hot. and she was touchy as always. i hope she dun read this. i dun think she knows...so watever... but if she did i dun think she will touch me again. today when we were playg pool with pali...it was pali's turn so she played n then cos i was sitting down, feli stand in front of me then grab my face with both hands like she gonna kiss me like tt.. oh well... if it did happen.. haha... :P
then so happy get to see my pali. glad that pali n feli can talk.. haha... pali n feli..sounds so cute.. hehe... so we had a really super time. glad i had a super duper time with pali today. gonna miss her though but thank god for internet!!!!!!!! thank god!!!!! haha... i love the internet. hehe.. i love my blogger. haiz.. :)
so yah we went to eat. as always i am such a pichai. pali n me splitted chicken cheesesticks among ourselves. then we went to play pool as i have said. then we were trying to decide who is in who's team. so we played owahpeiyasom...i think tts how u spell it.. oh wtf..haha.. then we do it secretly like we sharing some secret porno thing..haha...then play very fuN!!!!!!!! haha.. but there was some guy in blue shirt with blue eys who keep on staring at us. eeeeeeee.... disgusting.. yucks..... got nothing better to do i tell u... but then when he touched the socket tt feli had to shoot in, she got the ball in after so long..haha..so i think he has the midas touch or something. haha.. :P
oh well...had a good day... IM GONNA MISS PALI!!!!!!!!
tmr is PPP... hope i have a good time. hope haekal is not an ass. hope n hope. at the most i will just be lesbian partners with farah la... good plan la.. :)
--insignificant lies--
11:24 pm
hey....wow...
today was a busy day....
morning did affina blog...
its at affina.blogspot.com
come n see if u wanna see....
then after tt tried to do ml a but to no avail..
then feli msg me..
so i went to meet her..went to play pool..
i think im quite good when im in this reflective mode. its quite nice actually.. i play pool much better. today i won all the games.
poor feli... but u know wat...today i dunno why feli looked so good... haha...when i was waiting for her outside fish n co she looked so beautiful thru the glass..she was smiling at me with that smile and i was like...awww... she's really beautiful...inside out..then at the pool table she was trying to seduce me so my ball won't go in.. then when she was arranging the balls i told her i'll sit down n check the scenery. then she said wat scenery..then i told her to do that seducing thing again... then after tt she act stupid..haha.. she is really trying to act stupid or wat?? oh well...better stop pressurising her...later she get pissed off at me only..haha...but she was damn hot today la..maybe its just her n denim..reminded me of tt time during the 6/7aside carnival at the padang. first time i saw her in denim skirt. hot! haha... :)
--insignificant lies--
1:07 am
Thursday, August 14, 2003
hey peepx...finally talked to feli sia..
haiz...feel at peace...
i know now we are ok.
i hope we are.
we will always be.
but dang! im still rather fond of her...oh well..
pls haekal...help!!!!!!
help me forget i ever loved a woman named lin.
help...!!!!!
--insignificant lies--
12:31 am
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
hey... since when did they change blogspot.. dun recall sia...
walau...
fuck sia today.. it was such a bad day today.. really feel like chopping someone up sia.. this sucks...
first i wake up and i feel so bloddy shitty.. i am dependent on felicia and i hate myself for it. i want to talk to her desperately but there just hasnt been any day that has been right for us to talk abt anything...
then fine...i go sch take car... then i msg her in the car... ok great...
now is wat time already n she never msg me ...fine
im in a self-reflective mode now...(thats wat i told afiah anyways) and then things just had to get worse by farid tellg me that he has a girl now. its fine with me that he has a girl. tt doesnt bug me. im not jealous. im just sad cos all along wat he feels for me is just a charade becos actually all he wants is just a girl. so comes down to the fact that he is desperate. haha... fine.. let him be desperate...
then now i spilled on myself mee rebus...so i have stains...
so then cos of the whole farid thing... i find out that i got no one to accompany me to the PPP thing this sat... god knows wat that is abt...
but ok...no worries... haha..i got a back up.. the best back up i can find... hehe.. i got haekal to go with me! heheh... he is so sweet. heard that i got pushed aside by farid n he was so nice to pick me off my feet....hehe... sayang haekal!!! hehe...
so now im back to having a company for that day..hehhee... yah yaya.... haha.... so im happy abt tt...
rejab says im very pandai.. duh i am!! he says im pandai to ask haekal to go with me..hehe...
and im also happy cos hasan has upped me to be in his evolution grp as an honourary member...aww...haha... :)
but im still sad cos i dun fucking know wat i feel for anyone anymore..n i fucking dunno wat i want.. haiz... wat the f... oh well.... i guess i will have to figure that out slowly... think i shld have a tag board so su can leave me notes n msgs n stuff...love to hear from u su... haiz.. :)
ps. hope everyone has a good life... n dun screw up ur life like mine... fuck guys... they're so easy...
--insignificant lies--
12:15 pm
Sunday, August 10, 2003
just prescribe me medicine..
and i will take lots of it with alcohol...
--insignificant lies--
12:57 am
Friday, August 08, 2003
i am in a mess.
i am pathetic.
i have digressed.
i hate myself.
i hate my life.
i hate what u spat
in my face.
i hate all your lies.
i hate everything
there is to know
everything about you.
--insignificant lies--
9:27 pm
sorry about that
by alkaline trio
It hasn't been that long
Since we drank to the sunset, until it was gone
And down with it went our pain and fear
As we slowly broke contact
more and more with every beer
And we passed out in each other's arms
Both admitting we'd never felt better
Never felt so warm
But awoke in each other's eyes
Without wearing a stitch of clothing
We were both deeply in disguise
And
maybe I just set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
In my own
special selfish way
And
if I hadn't set aside
The fact that
you were broken hearted
Hell knows where your heart would be today
Maybe with me
It seems like it's been so long
Since we kissed through the darkness
Until it was dawn
Up with it came our pain and fear
That we'd already lost each other
We both knew that the end was near
Maybe I just set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
In my own special selfish way
And if I hadn't set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
Hell knows where your heart would be today
Maybe with me Maybe with me
Maybe with me Maybe with me
Maybe with me Maybe with me
i was listening to alkaline trio and realised this song goes well... i love this song... :)
--insignificant lies--
3:23 am
kk...i've already done my work...
today i was damn grouch la.
must be post-meeting line. i really think so.
i love her a lot. gosh!!!!!!
im not over her la.. fuck la.
and that really pissed me off today la. i already feel so depressed
really wanna drown myself away. i can't handle this man.
i thought i could but now i cant. just cos i saw her face and it was so shagged. and she was so touched with my gift and i didn't know wat to do. i wanted to give her a hug but i knew i couldnt. her eyes were so puffy. and her face was so pale. and i really dun like seeing her that way. gets me all restless. but im u know unfeeling and so i really dunno how to act.
and even when i wrote her card i couldn write much. i can't say anything to her. guess we both feel guilty and ashamed cos of wat happened. i tried to tell her so many times just how much i love her but she can't get it. she doens't want to get it. she cant even accept that i care for her. i think she just wanted to play with my heart all along. she tells me dun start something unless you can finish it. well she's finished it well alrite. fantastic.
well done bitch.
damn bitch i still love you.
i hate myself for caring. and i dunno wat will happen at next yr's b-day. will i still want to buy her a gift? just cos her birthday is the same as my mom. will that happen??? will it. she told me not to do this again. as in giving her a gift. i dunno if i can help myself. mayb i shld buy her somethign n put it in her box. just out of my love for her. i dunno. urgh... kill me la...
farah...pls dun open tt box. i know u are tempted to. pls don't open it. today after i talked to miss soh i really felt like crying. guess maybe she reminded me abt wat i had to do and wat i had to concentrate on. felt like i was back in the saadon days when saadon kept pissing me off but then she still liked me and i still liked her anyways. can't believe i feel like crying. why do i always have this connection with tchs?? miss soh seems to like talking to me. and she really cares. im touched. think i should be nicer to her. really i should. hee :)
god i miss lin.
all sorts of thoughts are just flowing through my head. its really hard. it really is... gosh...
haiz... and i dunno why today when i wanted to msg feli...i unknowingly typed... babe i love you so much... i was messaging during bio class la and just typing away without looking and i ended up typing that... why??? lucky i cancelled it. was in such a daze at that moment. haiz...
im screwed. and lin scrwed me up. she made me feel something that i've been hiding for so long. the fact that i like girls. yes...i am a lesbian. i am a bisexual. im a pure lesbian/ bisexual. how extremist???!!!!! gosh!
kk...i think i better go sleep now. think when i sleep the thoughts flow less cos i dun dream. thank god! tmr got a long short day. haha.. as in its a short day but its gonna feel really long cos got lots of activities.. :P oh well... kk nite nite my star... :) i love you lin. forever. always.
--insignificant lies--
2:41 am
please walk out that door
please find the key
let yourself out
then please don't look for me
don't hear my cries
don't see what i try to hide
even if i fall
knees on the ground
hands clasped together
tears falling from my eyes
just turn away
avert your gaze
i know you are stronger
you were always the stronger one
and now baby
i need you to keep me away from you
keep a bee away from its honey
a sea away from its beach
me away from you
i love you forever lin... i'll still die for you..but please don't make me........
--insignificant lies--
1:31 am
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
two of us
hand in hand
we will fight it together
u got my back
and i got yours
no matter how much we run
no matter how much we hide
we will always be there
together
right for each other
cos we are not just friends
we are partners
we are one
--insignificant lies--
12:42 am
Monday, August 04, 2003
hey...
feel like a heavy burden has been lifted from me.
i told feli just now that i sorta had a crush on her. then she was like oh. haha... well... she's cool with it. see... this means that our friendship means more to her than some inclination i had. i know i dun love her or anything its just tt i was attracted to her. and now im glad i can tell her and i can face it. by telling her it shows that i am ready to forget abt watever i felt for her. im ok. cos i dun want anything. its just i feel this way for her.
and after tt we had a nice time talking. hehe... it was quite funny... she's a great friend n i dun wanna lose that for anything. even for myself. but she told me that she is not surprised when i told her cos she kinda already knew. see how well i hold it in?? haha.. im too obvious la.. gosh... wonder wat haekal must be thinking?? hahaha... :P
but one thing i wonder and regret not asking is why she didnt act weirdly towards me even when she knew i liked her. n i also wanna know why she was so touchy to me at tt point of time even if she knew i liked her. oh well... i guess i wont ask tt now. maybe later on... hehe... kk... i feel so free n lifted. :) thanks feli for understanding... love ya gurl...
--insignificant lies--
1:45 am
Sunday, August 03, 2003
based loosely upon
circled and intertwined
with the vines
that you bred
as the thorns pierce my skin
i scream
as loud as i can
as much as i can
snow falls bit by bit
unfelt
unknown
just like your love
that sypathetic offering
this is based loosely upon
shadows of my past
but why does its presence
feel so now??
and why can't i get your
fucking voice out of my head?
shackles of ur love
cling upon my soul
holding on tightly
till ur nails sear
i scream
as loud as i can
as much as i can
looking out to the sea
unplanned
unmoved
just like my love
that pathetic offering
this is based loosely upon
the ghosts of my past
but why does its presence
not fade away?
and why do i wanna hear your
fucking voice in my head?
--insignificant lies--
1:50 am
Saturday, August 02, 2003
dun look back
look straight ahead and let nothing hold you down
and when u choke urself
and u can't breathe
you know u need help
and when u self mutilate
and hear kids call u out
u need to shout for help
cos u know u are killing urself
slowly u bleed
in your heart
you know u are dead.
--insignificant lies--
10:36 pm
to tell or not to tell... that is the question... im not sure wat i should do u know... if i tell her i am just being selfish.. but seriously i cant take it anymore. feel like spilling all the beans. any kinda beans... im not sure wat i should do.. god i just said tt twice...
The Shooting Star That Destroyed Us All
A star up in the sky
A Poem to the deadLet this mistake
Bring a
vivid crystal to her eyes
So
drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke
I can't inhale the sparkle of your voice
A star up in the sky
A poem to the death
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke
I can't inhale the sparkle of your voice
Let me walk on high wire of rusty nails
While barefoot shedding the flesh of our existance
I don't want anybody to fall
A star up in the sky
A poem to the death
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke
I can't inhale the sparkle of your voice
Now's it time
Now's it time
The more I try
The more I lose
But today
Will you remember me ?
But today
Will you remember me ?
But today
Your eyes
Your eyes
They shine
Your eyes
--insignificant lies--
10:25 pm
i love my new blog!!!!!!
--insignificant lies--
4:45 pm
